I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
