I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
