Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
