Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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