I think my fart just growled at me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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