Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Randomize
