well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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