I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He kissed a someone with a penis
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
