I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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