I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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