is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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