i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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