He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
