She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
