Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
