we have pet lesbian snakes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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