I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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