Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
