I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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