I feel like abortions should bother me more
My balls are so social today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
