my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
