Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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