yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
