sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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