i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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