I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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