my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
time to smoke my breakfast
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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