he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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