i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
