my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drake has all the answers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
