On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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