I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
