We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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