You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
