i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
