Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
