i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
