Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
