two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
