I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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