4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
