if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
