my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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