I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
