I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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