Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
