Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
