I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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