They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
