Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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