just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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