Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
