My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
