the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
