did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
